The Work of Healing Trust.

One of the greatest qualities we have in a relationship is trust.  It is what everything is built on...communication...intimacy...you name it.  It is also the most fragile of elements in a relationship and for anyone that has had that trust broken with someone you love, you know what I mean.  

 

I think that one of the most frequent questions I get asked in couples or individual therapy is "How do I begin to trust again?"  It is not only a fair, but a very complicated question.  I believe that there are two ways that we trust people.  The most common type of trust is the good ol' saying "I have no reason not to trust them".  Now unfortunately this also basically means you have no reason to trust the person, because they haven't provided you with any examples of why they are trustworthy.

 

The other type of trust...the healthier version of trust, is "I have every reason to trust this person".  This means that they call when they say they are going to call, they show up when they say they are going to show up, etc, etc.  Essentially the person's actions and words are consistent and dependable.  And this is also the way that we rebuild trust.  We look for examples of congruency between what they say and what they do.  

I realize that this is just the first step of rebuilding trust and that it is a long journey to heal that trust when someone has hurt it so much, but it is a start. But therapy can help to navigate this journey.  And with work it can be repaired.  It won't look like it did before, but the hope is that it is stronger than before because it has endured and overcome.

I look forward to hearing from you if trust has been violated in your relationship and you are ready to begin healing it and making the bond stronger, 916.955.3200 or annaosbornmft@gmail.com