Remember that Extreme song from the 80’s? You know the rock ballad, More than Words? It’s one of my all-time favorite songs and I don’t care if it ages me by writing this! There is something about the lyrics that epitomizes the importance of our actions versus our words:
But if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cuz I’d already know
Anyway, the other I was talking with a good friend about the ups and downs and marriage. She shared about this sweet thing her husband by mixing her Chipotle. Of course I had to ask what she meant because personally I had never heard of this loving act. She said, “you know how you get a burrito bowl and how all the flavors are layered, well I like my flavors all mixed together, and as soon as we sit down, my husband reaches over and just starts stirring it”.
What a sweet and subtle gesture, right? A simple thing that shows her that he’s paying attention and wants her to be happy. It really got me thinking about that great Extreme song and what would we do in our relationships if we didn't have words?
What actions would we use to say I love you?
What would it be like to try and intersperse more actions of love than just saying it?
Here are a few tips to get you rolling.
Be intentional. If you are going to demonstrate an action of love, its need to be intentional. With the intent to give love, share love and spread love. It’s not to simply pass the time or get out of the dog house, intentional acts of love are pure and genuine.
Make it meaningful. this doesn't mean a grand gesture like having “I love you” written in the sky. A meaningful action of love is one that shows the other person you are paying attention. Just like mixing the Chipotle, it’s about acting in a simple way that makes a loud statement. Buying your mate their favorite flavor of coffee creamer…dvr’ing the game so you can watch it together when they get home… you get the idea. Make it meaningful and it will translate.
Don’t give with the intention to receive. When we give with our actions, there is no “If I do this, then you need to do this…”. That is poison to a loving action because it becomes attached to strings and that is no way to show someone you care. Give with the hope that it will demonstrate your feelings, but never with the expectation of return.
Tweet or share via email when you decide to spend a day with “more than words”. I can’t wait to hear how it goes! @annaosbornmft or email@example.com