Buckling Up In love: Are You Practicing Good Seat Belt Safety?

Buckling Up In love: Are You Practicing Good Seat Belt Safety? 

 

My two small children are the most brilliant observers you’ve ever met.  I’m sure that all of you parents out there have the same Sherlock Holmes in your family. 

 

I swear, I sometimes feel like I’m in the middle of a police interrogation when they pepper me with unrelenting questions.  The things they notice and question leaves me constantly scrambling to slow down and find the best answer to satisfy their curiosity.  It’s really quite amazing (and maddening sometimes).

 

Anyways, they’re weeks away from transitioning out of car seats and into booster chairs and low and behold…..this seems to have increased their questions about all things seat belts. You can only imagine the curiosity that’s been stirred up seeing those shiny new booster seats sitting in the garage waiting to be installed.

 

Are you buckled up Mom? Why did you buckle up in the driveway? Why did you buckle up when you were going backwards Mom? Why didn’t you do it like last time?

 

Good grief……you get the picture.

 

But all this seat belt talk has me thinking about the others ways we practice seat belt rules.

 

Because if you think about it, following good seat belt safety helps prepare us, right? 

 

I mean an unfastened seat belt does nothing for you.  And lord knows, racing to buckle up mid-crash doesn’t do anything to minimize the injury. 

 

So with that logic, I have to ask if you’re practicing seat belt safety in love? Are you putting on the seat belt mid-crash or did you secure your belt well before you started the journey?

 

Because in love we have two ways to manage our relationship, through preparation or through reaction. 

 

When we’re approaching love with preparation we’re building up the reserves for when love gets tough. We’re showing gratitude, giving the benefit of the doubt and working to create and maintain connection. We’re showing up consistently and authentically. We’re not in a mindset of preparing for the worst as much as we’re doing the work knowing it’s going to pay off when we need it the most.

 

But when we’re managing our relationship through reaction, we’re working from a place of deprivation.  We’re constantly in the hole and trying to back fill with reserves what we haven’t spent time reinforcing.  And the worst part is that when we’re in this reactionary place, we are beating ourselves up asking why the hell we didn’t prepare for this?!!? 

 

And friends, that’s a sh*tty place to be. 

 

So here’s the really tough question…which one are you operating from?  Are you putting on your seat belt each day? Practicing good seat belt safety? Doing the work in case a crash comes?

 

Or are you working from a deficit? Are you neglecting to put on your seat belt in hopes that you’ll have cat like reflexes to brace yourself before impact?  Are you reacting more often than you’re preparing.

 

If you answer this honestly, which one are you?

 

Because if you’re practicing good seat belt safety…awesome! Keep up the good work and celebrate those successes.

 

But, if you’re realizing that you may be operating from more of a deficit than you’d like to admit, then now’s the time to do the work.  Let’s start building up the reserves. Let’s do the work now to minimize the later impact. Let’s give our mate the benefit of the doubt and prepare for times of unintended injury, impatience and exhaustion.

 

I would love to hear from you! How have you succeeded in buckling up in love? How are you struggling to stop reacting and start preparing?  Please reach out and let me know how I can support that shift in your relationship.

 

As always, I want to know what your journey in love and connection is like.   It’s why I do this work.  Send me an email, anna@myhappycouple.com or give me a call, 916.955.3200. 

 

Yours,

A