In my Sacramento therapy offices I work with couples that really love each other but want to know how to fall back IN love with each other. Now this may seem like just semantics to some, but the truth is loving someone is quite different than being in love with them.
You see Love is a verb. Sure maybe Webster’s may tell you that it’s a noun, but I really disagree. To be IN something means that we have created movement to enter into it, yes?
Well if that is the case, than being in love must require action.
It must be something we do.
Something we work on.
Something we work in.
I know that in order to be in love you MUST work on it. You must be willing to fight against complacency and the status quo. You must tune out your friends that have a lackluster attitude towards the great rewards that working on love yields.
Because we all know that a pot of boiling water will cool once we remove the flame. And a swing stops swaying back and forth when you stop pushing it. And we can’t assume that a verb, an action word such as love would also not suffer the same quieting effects if we stop putting energy into it?
So what does it take to be in love?
It takes Connection.
It takes Intimacy.
It takes Communication.
It takes Trust.
And these are biggies guys! If your relationship is missing any of these four elements you are probably pretty aware that you are struggling with being in love with your mate.
So my challenge to you is to identify how your relationship measures up with these four elements.
If you’re struggling with how to be in love with your mate, than look over the 4 foundational components and see which one needs to be focused on. Which one needs some time and attention? Is it time to read a relationship book (I’ve got lots of suggestions if you need them)? It is time to reach out for support and start counseling? What do you need to do fall back in love with your mate?
As always, I want to hear from you! I want to know what your journey through love is like. I also want to know which of these four elements is the biggest struggle for you in your relationship. Because chances are, if you are struggling with being in love, than one of these elements if out of whack.
Send me an email annaosbornmft.com, give me a call 916.955.3200 or comment below.
I can’t wait to hear from you.