I Choose You

I Choose You.

It’s coming upon wedding season and I don’t know about you, but I love weddings.  From the flowers, to the dress, to the music, to the food, to seeing the way the couple looks at each other throughout the night.  Weddings just get me giddy about love and the possibilities.    

I’ve been to my fair share of weddings and am always intrigued by the different types of vows couples take. 

I’ve heard all kinds of vows from the very traditional, to have and to hold. 

To the very funny, I promise to love and cherish you as much as I do my dog. 

But I have yet to be a guest at a wedding where I hear real wedding vows.  I love you and see all the possibilities in this moment, but I know that down the road I’m going to get hurt and angry and want to push you away but instead I promise to keep choosing us and keep doing the work that needs to be done in order to heal and love one another. 

I mean that’s some real sh*t.  Because that’s really what marriage is like.  It’s really hard work!

And I get asked all the time in my Sacramento therapy office about whether love should be this much work? Or if it takes this much work, does that mean that it’s not right? 

I honestly believe that Love Is Work.

I believe that love is about choosing to do the work with that one person.  Let me say that again….love is about waking up every day and choosing to do the work with that one person.  It’s about committing to the hard times. 

Because honestly no one has to choose to work in the good times, that’s the easy part.  When you’re in sync with your partner.  That’s effortless.  That’s fun.  That’s the good stuff.

The real question is whether you’re choosing to do the work when it’s hard?  When you’re disconnected from one another? When your sex life has taken a hit?  When you’re angry and hurt and want to pull away?  Do you start to question whether love should take work?

Or do you dive in and find a way back to each other?  Do you swallow your pride and look for where you’ve wronged each other?  Do you apply patience to healing and reconnection?  Do you reach out for support to heal the relationship?

I hope it’s the second.  I hope that you’re able to get real in your relationship and realize that work is a natural part of love.  I hope that you ask for help before it’s too late.  I hope that you choose each other.

And so I leave you with one of my favorite songs to inspire you to choose each other and do the work!  Please do call if you need the extra support.  I’m here to help you choose each other and learn how to do the work.

Yours,

A