It Takes Work
Yes, I know you just read the title and said “No Shit, Lady” but hang with me for a second. I feel like “it’s gonna take work” is my new mantra. And something worth saying again and again.
Because as nutty as this may sound, I have couples come into my office once a week and get very aggravated after 3-4 sessions that nothing drastic has changed. We’ll start to explore their weekly homework, how much they’re putting the tools learned in session into daily action and what they’re doing each week to prioritize their relationship outside of therapy and I swear to you, this is when my office starts to feel like the principal’s office. They start to squirm, avoid eye contact and mumble under their breath. They begin to realize that maybe they’re not holding up their end of the bargain.
You see I work with really bright, amazing, caring people that are really struggling to maintain a lasting, loving, connected and passionate relationship. And the struggle with following through on working on their relationship isn’t because they’re not capable of it. It’s not because they don’t want it. It’s not because they can’t have it.
It’s simply because the work that it takes to achieve it is often harder than anticipated. You see when we have distance in our relationship. When we’re living parallel lives. Or when we’re really great roommates but not so great lovers…we can get pretty comfortable in that status quo.
Now we want it to change, but we’re just not so sure as to how. And let me tell you….it’s going to take work. And the work is not just coming to a couple’s therapist every week and sitting on the couch for 50 minutes. The true work is, it’s what you do outside of the therapy session.
It’s what you do when no one else is keeping tabs that’s going to make the most lasting difference. It’s when you respond with kindness instead of contempt. It’s when you give the benefit of the doubt and not rush to assume. It’s when you follow through on what you said. It’s when you prioritize the relationship and put the daily work into healing and reconnecting it.
So please, if you’ve been in therapy in the past and think it doesn’t work…re-evaluate the effort you put into the process. And if you’re in therapy now and it’s not working…be honest with yourself about whether or not you’re doing your share of the heavy lifting. Because as a couple’s therapist, I want you to succeed.
I want you to experience the same success I see other couples I work with achieve. And most importantly I want you to know that I’m going to work just as hard as you are to exceed your relationship goals.
I can absolutely promise you (and just so you know..we’re not really supposed to give promises in this field) that if you put the daily work into healing your relationship, you will absolutely, without a doubt begin to see the benefit of your hard work!
Because I get to see that work pay off in the relationships of the couples I work with!
If you’re struggling with putting the work in to achieve your relationship goals, reach out! That’s what I’m here for. Send me an email, firstname.lastname@example.org or give me a call, 916.955.3200. I want to know what your journey through love and connection is like.