Do You Know Your Relationship? 10 Relationship Truths
The month of August marks my 11th year of doing therapy. Yes ELEVEN YEARS! I’m honestly shocked at how that is even possible because it’s so crazy to quantify it in this way. I still remember the first person I ever worked with in therapy and how nervous I was…sitting in the room…hoping I wouldn’t “hurt” the person or say the wrong thing.
Now 11 years later I feel like therapy is an extension of myself. I trust my gut. I value the power of silence. I’m not afraid to jump in or speak up. And, I’ve even learned the exact best time to drop an F bomb in therapy….yes I really just said this!
But most importantly I’ve seen the power of relationships in and around us. Ultimately, relationships have the power to heal us, to injure us, to inspire us and to challenge us in more ways than we can imagine.
So in honor of these past eleven years, here are the things I know to be true about relationships. My relationship truths!
1. They are insanely hard – well no shit! I mean we hear this one every day, but what does it really mean. Well it means they are insanely hard. Our love relationships are the most unique relationships we have. And for that reason, we don’t get to practice the skills we need to be successful in love at any given moment because most of the rest of the world doesn’t require us to be as vulnerable as we need to be in love.
2. They push us to our brink – and man do they ever! I’m sure we can all agree that our love relationships have pushed us farther, into places we never knew we could go, than we’d really like to admit. Whether it’s into anger, frustration, desperation or exhilaration, love pushes you to the edge.
3. They show us more about ourselves than we may have cared to learn – this is one of the toughest truths. So much of our lives is spent living in blindness, not really knowing or seeing the true impact of how we are in the world. But relationships show us ourselves. The more that we notice patterns and themes, the more we begin to see how we’re really showing up. And often this can be a hard truth my friends.
4. They are eternally rewarding – and this is amazing. I don’t know about you, but the moments I can look across to my mate and see him through the eyes that the rest of the world sees him are truly rewarding. We can get so lost in the day to day that we forget to look up and “see” who are partner really is. Reward yourself as often as you can by doing this.
5. They require us to grow – relationships don’t stay stagnate, well at least the successful ones don’t. Even our refusal to grow in a relationship doesn’t stop it from growing.
6. They force us to be humble – Damn this is hard for me. I work daily to be humble in love. I practice saying I’m sorry without justifying my actions. And I’m a therapist for goodness sakes! I continually allow myself grace by reminding myself that I’m a therapist at work, but at home I’m really just a wife and a mom.
7. They demand attention. Let me say this again, they demand our attention! What you water grows…and what you starve wilts. Relationships require continual and consistent attention and many of us know the consequences of a starved relationship. No Bueno!
8. They are the truest example of getting out exactly what you put in. – Because you can’t stand by putting little into love and then question why you aren’t getting anything out of it.
9. They require us to be brave and courageous constantly. – They really do. The irony of relationships is, the braver and more courageous we are, the less it feels like an effort to do so.
10. They help show us where we belong – and what an amazing reminder it is. Knowing where “home base” is. Where we’re safe to be us. Where we can fall apart and be soothed. That’s the good stuff as my husband likes to say!
Those are my truths. Those are what 11 years of being a therapist has taught me. And my intention is that these truths serve as a reminder to you. Of where you’re succeeding. Of where you’re struggling. And most importantly, where you need to focus your energy and drive in your love relationship.
Thank you immensely for being on this journey with me. And if we haven’t me yet, I look forward to connecting. As always, I want to know what your journey through connection and love is like and how you’re applying these truths in your relationship.
Send me an email, firstname.lastname@example.org, give me a call, 916.955.3200 or comment below.
I can’t wait to hear from you.