I want the kind of relationship that makes my kids want to fall in love.
After hearing a friend talk the other day about the ups and downs of relationships and how having kids intensifies both the good and bad in our love relationships, I started thinking about my own marriage and what I want my kids to see and experience since they’re truly tiny observers of my husband and I’s relationship.
We all know that children are sponges and soak up what we say and do, even when we’re not meaning for them to be lurking in the corners of the room. As parents, we have a great responsibility to be models to our kids for what love should look like. We also carry the responsibility of finding a way to interact in a healthy and respectful manner even if you’ve decided to part ways.
I began to feel the weight of this responsibility because I realized that I really want the kind of relationship that makes my kids want to fall in love. No pressure, right?
Now I realize this may be a lofty goal, but if I break it down maybe I can make it more attainable. I believe it’s a goal worth fighting for.
Because I want my kids to know that it’s ok to disagree and even argue. I want my kids to know that sometimes feelings get hurt and words are used carelessly. I also want them to see me repair those hurts with my husband. I want them to see me apologize and to be humble when accepting an apology. I want them to know that we can heal in love and grow stronger when we let each other in and forgive.
Because I want my kids to see love as an action. I want them to know that hugs, kisses and warm embraces are something that can soothe us when we’re unsure or worried. I want them to see touch as something we can use to find comfort in and refuge from the storm outside. I want them to know it’s ok for Mom and Dad to hug or kiss and not get grossed out….even though I’m sure they will.
And most importantly because I want my kids to know that love takes work. I want them to know that sometimes it’s easier to ignore growing issues or get busy with things besides spending time together. I want them to know that turning towards each other when we’re hurt isn’t the easiest thing but it’s oh so the best thing. I want them to know that the marriage my husband and I are working to create is one that is intentional and patient even in the most trying of times.
And when I break it down like that, I think I can do it.
What about you?
What if I pose the question to you? What do you want your kids to learn from your relationship? What legacy do you want them to carry forward in love? How can you simplify it to make it a realistic and reachable goal?
I so want to hear your answers on this! So please reach out and share.
And if it feels like you may be further away from the example you want to be setting for your kids, please reach out. I’d love to talk. Follow this link to set up a time to find a path to becoming that relationship role model. Because the amazing thing about relationships and kids, we always have ways to heal and send a whole new message on what love is!
As always, I want to know what your journey in love and connection is like. When you reach out and share, it inspires my passion for this work. Send me an email, firstname.lastname@example.org or give me a call, 916.955.3200.