Earning the Right to be Heard
So before you read any further, I need to prepare you that this blog post may make your blood boil. Because honestly the first time I heard the statement I’m writing this post about, my blood boiled. But stick with me for a second.
Now we all know that we live in a day and age that is full of distractions. Most conversations resemble merging onto the freeway in the middle of rush hour. You know where you’re paying so much attention to try and dart into traffic that you are aware of little else. It’s quite horrible that we’ve lost our ability to slow down and actually converse.
I’d love to sit here on my high horse and act like I don’t fall into these same traps, but I do! I listen just to respond. I get distracted by the ding on my computer or buzz on my phone. I get impatient and want to just rush in and finish my mates sentence rather than letting him finish his thought.
And honestly, every time I do that, I haven’t earned the right to be heard. Like I said above, the first time I heard this phrase, I cringed. Because those that know me well, know I don’t do well with someone telling me what to do. And telling me that I haven’t earned the right to be heard is pretty much asking for a throw down.
So when I first heard the phrase, I had to process it for a while. And as it sunk in, I kind of started to love it.
Because communication should be about earning the right to be heard. It can become a gauge to know when the conversation has reached a point for us to dive in and contribute.
Because we earn the right to be heard when we’ve listened long enough to understand the other person. We’ve earned the right to be heard when we have slowed down enough that our response has less to do about us and more to do about connecting with the speaker. We’ve earned the right to be heard when are fully open, sitting in a place of connection and empathy.
And doing this in love is a really beautiful thing. I’d so love to hear from you on how you’re going to integrate this principal into your relationship. And if it totally ticked you off, I encourage you to sit with it a bit and see what develops. And as always, please reach out if you feel stuck. We’d love to help, 916.955.3200 or follow link to www.MyHappyCouple.com to set up at time to speak further.