Do any of you watch games shows on TV? I swear, it doesn’t matter what I’m doing, but if I’m flipping channels and Wheel of Fortune is on, I have to stop and watch for a few minutes. I have no idea why, but that show always hooks me in.
And honestly, there’s nothing better than a good Family Feud montage. You know…where they put together all the outrageous clips of what family members have shouted out under pressure. I find them absolutely hysterical.
I love the moment right after the person gives their answer and right before they find out if it’s a point or a giant X for the family scoreboard. If you watch, you’ll notice, they look at their family members with big anticipation in their eyes. They nod their heads trying to increase their confidence in what they blurted out. They clap their hands and shout in hopes that will make their answer better.
And then sadly they get the giant X and realize their “best” answer was way off the mark. And sometimes it’s WAAAAYYY off the mark.
I wish I could design a version of Family Feud to use in my office during couple’s therapy sessions. Or even a take home version. Yes, it would be way nutty, but can you imagine the potential benefit if every time a partner shared an assumption they made during communication with their mate and a giant X lit up the wall letting them know they were way far off the mark of accuracy?
Yes, that may seem a bit far-fetched but quite honestly, I don’t think you even have to go to that extreme in order to use the rules of Family Feud to positively impact your communication.
If you just slowly shifted to spot checking communication and assumptions during a conversation, beautiful things would happen.
Scenario I: You say “sure”, your partner hears “maybe” and concludes “no”. Net result – miscommunication and likely dangerous results.
Scenario II: You say “sure”, your partner hears “maybe” but concludes “no”. They ask for clarification as to what your “sure” means, you say it means “Yes” and you both proceed forward. Net result – clear communication and a lot of heartbreak saved.
You could apply it so often that communication begins to flow like water. If you used any and all conversations as on opportunity for clarification and fact checking your assumptions, amazing things would happen.
Because the sad truth is we make snap assumptions all day long and they have devastating effects on our relationships.
Even just getting into the simple practice of slowing down communication to become more aware of the assumptions you’re making in conversation with your partner can yield big changes. And you’ll honestly be blown away by the results.
I encourage you to play a slowed down version of Family Feud at home. If you share an answer and notice it doesn’t land so well, ask for clarification. If you’re listening to your mate and feel your mind and body go tense, check for assumptions your making. Use that as your cue to get curious and ask for clarification OR even share the assumption you’ve made. You can back up much more easily when assumptions are clarified rather than stuffed away and made into hurtful facts.
If you find yourself struggling with assumptions and open to support on filling in the gaps with facts, please reach out. We’re happy to get you unstuck. Follow this link to set up a time to speak further! www.MyHappyCouple.com
Until next time.