What Motivates You In Love?
I was listening to sports radio during my drive in the other day and the discussion was on maintaining motivation. I am truly fascinated by sports (some would say fanatical) because the idea of someone dedicating their whole lives to perfecting a talent is amazing to me. It takes a special kind of person to sacrifice the way athletes do. Yes, there are big pay offs, but there are also tremendous sacrifices made along the way. And in order to justify the sacrifices, you not only need dedication to your craft, but you also need an ability to stay intensely motivated.
Or you’ll simply fall flat.
Anyways, during the discussion, one analyst contrasted the idea of what happens to your motivation when you’re told that you’re amazing for 30 straight days. Does it impact your “productivity” on the field at the end of that month? Most likely, right? You risk going into the game unprepared and ill-equipped because you’re “I got this” attitude has failed your from properly preparing.
Versus what happens if you’re told you’re horrible for 30 days straight and then asked to suit up for the big game? This has a much higher potential for you to be motivated to prove everyone wrong. Especially those that have thrown insults at you that entire month.
And I actually agree with this….in the sports world.
In the relationship world, I couldn’t disagree with it more.
Because what happens when you’re told over and over that you’re doing it wrong? That every time you try, you’re criticized or shot down?
I’ll tell you what happens…you stop trying all together. You stop believing that you’ll ever get it right and that no matter what you try, it won’t make a difference.
And that is simply the worst mindset to have when you’re wanting to stay motivated and dedicated to a thriving love relationship.
You need to know that your efforts are making a difference. That even if you didn’t do it right, the fact that you tried is important. And you need to know that when the chips are down, your partner has your back.
A defeated mindset is a killer to relationships because it prevents you from even trying. And relationships are all about trying…not perfection.
My hope is that if you find yourself in this defeated mindset, you reach out for support. It’s imperative to find a way to tell your mate how their words and actions are impacting you. And if you’re the one that’s stuck in the role of criticizing because you think you’re “helping”, you have to find a different way to communicate.
I promise that a defeated and overly criticized mindset will not serve you well in love. It won’t allow you to stay dedicated to the work of love. And it won’t keep you inspired to thrive together.
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And remember, sometimes the “best” motivators for success, really do need to stay on the sports field.